|Posted on March 21, 2016 at 3:10 PM|
Greetings! I usually write about events and healings that happen when working on clients, and use those incidents as examples of how healing can happen for you too.
Today, I’ll share more about myself, my own processes, struggles and healings. You may recognize yourself.
Also, I want to acknowledge that as a healer today, I did not come into the world seeking to be a healer. I learned to do what I do by: (1) realizing in my mid 30’s that I had some deep healing work to do on myself; (2) I actively sought out help and teachers to heal myself; (3) The wanting to share with others came from what I learned, and came after two years of extensive training. This training is ongoing today so as to continue personal, spiritual growth, integrity and honesty.
Very few healers have “arrived” to a completed state or place of being, where all is perfect in their world or they are untouched by events. “Stuff” still comes up and triggers still happen. Healers need fellow healers. Teachers need fellow teachers. This is the way that growth and progress continues.
My most influential teacher has been Dr. Fernand Poulin of WhiteWinds Institute of Integrative Energetic Medicine. I am grateful to be a graduate of Dr. Poulin’s two year program, and always glad to jump back into his workshop experiences, healing circles and occasional graduate classes.
Also, just recently, I had the privilege of spending a month in a healing and learning environment with Janet Raftis and Elicia Miller. They presented a program at HeartSpace Atlanta called Emotional Healing and Your Inner Intuitive. It was an honor to be in what I affectionately call “The Women’s Lodge” with these healers and other women there for healing and learning.
There was something about really being immersed in this pool of feminine energy that was deeply needed. It is an honoring of one’s emotions, rather than shutting them off, that leads to greater intuition and forward movement.
Back in late January and February, I was in a place of stagnation. Total non-movement, feeling uninspired, uncreative, and more down than up. Some of this was seasonal related with more clouds than sun, shorter days, and the overall – natural but not functional – wanting to hibernate.
The BIGGEST reason for my “down” time is really about what most people know as a lost inner child. I have come to know this part of myself as an aspect. This is the same as one’s inner child that was rejected, traumatized, criticized, and has a belief system that is run amok with “I’m not good enough, not loved/ lovable, something’s wrong with me, I don’t fit/ belong here” etc etc.
I prefer “aspect” here because – while it is related to child/ childhood – there is nothing lost about any component of me. There is no part of me that has gone anywhere, and this aspect/ component/ facet of myself is vitally important. My aliveness is there, my creativity, my joy, my fun and desire for life.
The detrimental self belief & conclusion for me has been “I’m not good enough, what I do isn’t good enough… so why do anything? It won’t be good enough.”
There is all kinds of STORY that could be told about this from childhood, sometimes teen years, and the same repeated messages that work like hypnosis. While those messages may start as actual words or actions from other people (such as family members), the continued message really comes from within. The continued detrimental beliefs, dialogue and hypnosis continues from within one’s own mindset.
Especially when this happens at earlier ages, when the young mind is very sponge-like, it can set in deeper in the psyche, as well as within the physical tissues of the body somewhere. Our body feels and reflects it physically in some way or another, and the emotions are felt (also in the body) due to the detrimental beliefs.
Our behaviors in life can reflect this as well. Using myself as the example, this comes out as procrastination, avoidance, sometimes hiding/ withdrawing, playing small or “poor me”… and doing anything/ all things possible to avoid looking stupid or weak to others.
I may misunderstand something that someone has shown or told me. An old habit of mine was to stay quiet rather than ask questions. I would pretend to understand when I really did not. This was really bad for me in some math classes in grade school. And I wasn’t stupid; I just couldn’t bring myself to ask for clarification.
Sooo… how to work this out of the system? What is the healing?
In the simplest words possible, stay Present. Allow. Feel. Listen. Be connected to the heart, even if that doesn’t make sense.
In the moments of deep angst, when there is something I am supposed to do, a task that I am responsible for, yet I can’t seem to make headway, can’t seem to make myself move and take appropriate actions… I simply have to be present with where I am at.
For example, feeling the physical and anxious tensions in the body… where is this happening? Upper torso, especially left side, some chest/ lung area, some of it right in the solar plexus area.
As I bring my hands to touch & actually hold these parts of my body, I feel the emotions come to the surface. Memories come flooding up. Emotions intensify and I let myself simply cry without controlling anything.
THIS is staying Present and Allowing. THIS is acknowledgment and acceptance of where I am and what I am experiencing.
Somewhere in the course of allowing, I contact and touch the center of my chest to be heart connected.
THIS is where the most healing takes place. The aspect of me that believes the conclusions/ hypnosis/ old story says “my heart is so broken”.
The Heart clearly, steadfastly, and compassionately says “I’ve never been broken, and I am not broken now”.
THIS is listening.
These words are not only heard, but they are felt. Deep in the chest and in the torso as well, there is a tangible change that happens as the voice of the hypnotized aspect suddenly stops. The tears and emotions change.
In staying present to the change, in staying heart connected, there is a felt return of this aspect of myself, my aliveness, my wanting of Life itself. NOW this is real engagement.
The energy of the aspect itself had been literally covering up my left lung (grief lives in the lungs) and hovering over my heart to protect it in the only way it knew how… from a child’s mind & perspective.
Yet with the arrest of the pattern/ belief structure, from the place of authentic compassion and genuine truth of pure Being – yes this resides in every heart – everything changes.
The physiology (the way the body/ tissues holds itself) the emotionality, the psychological detrimental dialogue and chatter all changes and ceases. I can take a deeper breath, and my body wants to hold itself straighter & stronger. Anxiety falls away, the procrastinating behavior diminishes and adult needs are met. Work can be done.
The aspect, which was from a childhood place, now very quickly matures and lends itself to the function of the total/ whole/ unwounded Spirit.
So, does all this mean that it won’t happen again? Probably not, BUT all the signs can be recognized. Detrimental patterns and behaviors can be warded off, even arrested before they begin.
The recognition of “Oh, this is up, let me pay attention here… my very essence is telling me something” certainly leads to greater self care and nurturing, as well as brings us to greater presence and grounding. Intuition can even increase with this, as NOW there is an honoring of the senses, the body cues, recognizing thoughts with compassion rather than controlling to “shut up”, which isn’t very nice.
With compassion, there is genuine engagement of all of our humanness, rather than circumventing it, skipping the emotions and scrambling to get to “the happy place”.
The point of power in all this is the heart AND the present moment. This greater present moment is accessed quickly by the heart, which knows ONLY, the present moment. They are intricately and intimately intertwined as long as you have a beat in there, as long as breath moves in & out of your lungs.
Connect with your own heart today.
Much Love, Stan